So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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