How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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