..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
