Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
