she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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