evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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