nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The Olympian is in my bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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