nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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