??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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