I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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