i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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