I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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