Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
