ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
