my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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