I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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