I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They are going to name an STD after you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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