dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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