Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
