Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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