There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
