I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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