Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
