I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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