she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
