she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
