Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
