new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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