With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
