I could have mohawked her pubes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
