He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
