if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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