Acid is not a monday night drug
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize