Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
