Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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