Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
