Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
