dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
