Small penises have feelings too.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
