I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
