he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
