one might say we're banned from that church
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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