What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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