How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
