I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize