Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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