yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
