I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
