drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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