we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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