I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
