he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's never too late to be topless.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize