I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
