I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize