You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There are leaves in my underwear?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
