so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
