Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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