I just threw up on my dentist
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
