I wish I only lived at night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
