uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
