just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
