I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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