well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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