Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
