I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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