think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
