ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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