you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
