How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
